In many cultures
Friendships are built by giving and receiving
You are offered something
You are invited for some food
Or for a drink
You then owe something back
It is your turn to invite or prepare a small gift
Relationships evolve around that idea of giving and receiving
Of contributing and owing
You create social bounds in that way
In Sweden
It does not work like this
Swedes like to be independent
They do not like to owe anything to anyone
Nor have anyone owing them something
They want to be free
To have an exit door
Instead they build friendships and relationships around what I call "Framed Activities"
They sign up for a group
An organisation
A sport club
Anything which has a purpose
You then socialize within that organised group
You can be part of several groups
There is a social bubble forming around these groups
But these bubbles never mix
For months or years
You will be doing something practical with the other members of a group
Without owing anyone anything
You are just both part of the group
You do not need to invite anyone to anything
You do not need to take the "risk" that someone would refuse your invitation
You are just part of the same group
Where meetings are organised and you socialize within the group
After months or year
When they feel very secure
Then maybe will Swedes propose to meet outside that secure framework of an activity
You will know that you have made a Swedish Friend
When you are invited outside the group activity without all the other members
--
"The Swedes" and "Working with Swedes" present many of the unknown social rules in Sweden
By Julien S. Bourrelle
Watch him on TED
